Even now as I write this, tears well up in my eyes.
There are few things I’ve seen cut into the wholeness of an LGBT person quite as deeply as religious trauma. This is such a profound wound many people face that some psychologists are beginning to study it as a unique form of complex-PTSD.
We live in Texas. Religion, Christianity particularly, is everywhere in our culture.
Most of us still come from homes where it was the religion of our raising. For those of us who are LGBT, powerful messages have often been given to us by Christianity that tell us we are guilty, wrong, abominable, and worthless because we are gay or transgender.
Simply because we are a guy who likes guys or a woman who likes women, we are told there is something fundamentally wrong with us.
Just because our gender does not match our gender assigned at birth, we are made to believe God is against us.
Many of us were taught about a violent god who would torture us forever if we didn’t manage to change who we love. Many of us were taught a black-and-white view of the Bible as an authoritarian religion.
Religious trauma therapy is hard work.
These authoritarian religious messages can get into us so deeply. They can erode our sense of safety. They can fundamentally break our sense of worth. They can paralyze us.
For some, we don’t even realize that this is what has happened. We just know we feel insecure. We just know we don’t feel safe. We realize that we are always beating ourselves up. Or that we don’t ever feel good enough. Wherever you are, we can do this work together.
I will disclose a bit more personally than I do in most counseling: I’ve experienced this personally. It’s a part of what has made me so passionate about helping people overcome religious trauma, work through it and find the meaning, worth, dignity, confidence, and healing needed.
While I work almost exclusively with LGBT people, many of them have ultimately discovered a central issue to them is religious trauma, normally from their family. And to my joy, with significant work, I’ve seen every one of them make major progress.
That voice of condemnation is dethroned. That voice that tells them they are worthless is replaced with a voice that cheers them on.
That feeling that there is something fundamentally wrong with them is replaced by a feeling that there is something fundamentally right about them. That deep fear that they are on the edge of hell, or violence, is replaced by a miraculous sense of safety.
Finding safety in religious understanding…
I’ll always remember the moment in a session where the gay young adult in front of me just started crying, not in pain (though he had done that), but in relief. He could finally feel that he was safe, that he wasn’t about to be judged or destroyed or killed by God.
What a realization! To be safe. To live as you want. This particular person just cried for about five minutes, until that cry turned into a loud, colorful laugh. It was beautiful.
I want to add one other thing to you, my dear queer sibling. I do not have an opinion about how this journey should end for you.
If you want religion to be integral to your life, I support you! There are beautiful, healthy, good forms of religion and Christianity. We can work to help you see God as a wonderful, loving God.
If you want to be done with religion, if you want nothing to do with it, we can move that direction, too. You are in charge here.
What I have is a sharp sensitivity to the ways religious thinking has destroyed LGBT lives. And a deep passion for helping LGBT people find healing from that religious trauma. But you get to decide which way that healing goes, regardless if it includes God.
Take the steps today to find the healing you need.
If you read these words and some resonate with you, I want you to know that you are endlessly good. You are indisputably worthy of love.
And while you might not feel safe right now, there are people who want to help you get safe. I have never met you, but I care – and I understand.
I hope you will let yourself reach for what you need today. Take the steps to find the healing that you need from the pain. We’ll walk the road together.
Send me a message or give me a call at (302) 497-5023.